How to Fake Being a Pro at iF3
By Ryan Dunfee, Brobomb.com
Tired of being an amateur ski enthusiast and dying to make it to the big leagues of pro skiing? We here at BroBomb.com know you all wish to be the hottest thing on Newschoolers since Dale Talkington. But pretending to be a pro skier at iF3, the ultimate fall get-together for pro skiers, is easier than you think. Here’s how you do it:
1) Go to a copy shop and print out 50 posters of you doing your best or dumbest trick. Make sure to steal the logos of your favorite ski companies and put them at the bottom in order to feign your status as a sponsored athlete.
2) Since no one knows who you are, the key to getting people to think you’re pro will be in making sure people can’t avoid you. Before or after the main autograph session with the real pros, show up with your posters and markers and sit and ask passerby-ers if they’d like an autograph, either on your poster or on their own forehead. Ask the cute girls if they’d like their picture with you in front of the main iF3 banner. Give passing parents, who will be completely clueless, pretend advice on how to turn their own son or daughter into a legit pro. The more outlandish the advice, the more insightful it will seem.
3) When Top Pros are mingling in the lobby, try and awkwardly stand close enough to their group that kids will think you’re one of them. Since none of them will actually talk to you, you can instead spend your time “in” the group checking Instagram, a popular pro pastime.
4) When all else fails, take a page out of the Chug and Pete’s book and dress up like a girl and kiss another man. The only ones brave enough to pull off a move like that must be pro skiers.
Make sure you head over to the Oberson Autograph Session on Wednesday September 12th from 5pm to 7:30pm at Oberson ski shop, Dix30.